SHOLAY...
“Oye there Sir! I am SUPERMAN!”
‘No you are not! Jai – I tell you, come down this instant!’
A grey haired pinstriped suited tiny gentleman – Mr. Seth- stood at the bottom of the large red secondary block building of the school of ‘Dur Gaon’, of which he was the principal.
And he was, by all appearance, in a rather excited and hyperactive state
And he had every right to be – for at the top of the building, a rope in his hand, all set to swing across the 50 meter gap between the primary and secondary blocks stood 14yr old Jai, waving to the crowd of students gathered at the building.
‘Someone tell him… Mr. Prakash, go and fetch him down this instant!’ squeaked the principal quite beside himself now, unable to handle the situation.
Mr. Prakash shook his head and pointed to the primary block windows, at each of which stood a wickedly grinning student
‘They have threatened to throw all the desks out of windows if any faculty moves even an inch.’
Mr. Seth’s already blanched face lost even more color. “What? Blackmailing the teachers? Have they lost their minds? Where is the head boy?”
The Vice Principal Mrs Rachna shook her head. “I am afraid Veeru is rather indisposed at the moment, sir. He is in the Chemistry Lab, deeply engrossed in making a potion to make things fly. And to ensure he is not disturbed, he has made a rather explosive arrangement – if we open the lab door, a circuit will be completed that will not only blow up the physics lab , but also sink a moat all around the periphery of the school complex that ….’
The further details of the moat no one knew – for Mr. Seth had had enough. His constitution for such acts of blatant terrorism and shameless attack on authority was rather weak – and it had been unable to bear any more.
So, having been swaying on the spot for some time now, Mr. Seth collapsed and all the teachers rushed to attend to him.
Above them Jai smiled with glee. The teachers had moved.
Behind them, there was more glee. And then huge crashes of breaking furniture – even as Jai swung successfully across the basketball court, over the heads of the teachers.
And then to top it all – a huge blast, as the world lost a physics lab. And gained a classical and rather immaculately designed moat.
***
‘Students – please for once in your lives maintain some resemblance of silence Today is a rather special assembly…’
Poor Mrs. Rachna was having a rather tough time at the dais, as she addressed a mob whose only claim to being students were their school uniforms. In front of her, students broke out into impromptu jigs, the daredevils described marvelous stunts on their skateboards, while the artists sprayed the most unimaginable of slogans on the school walls.
“… first we have Jai Kumar here to apologize for his behavior last week … Jai please.”
“Thank you ma’am.”
Jai took the mike off its stand and, without the remotest bit of repentance about his ‘attitude’, groovy-walked his way to the front of the stage.
‘I’d like to apologize to Mr Principal Sir for not listening to him last week. I just kept saying I am Superman – he told me repeatedly that I was not. He was right. It’s amazing how much grownups know about all this. Actually, I was Tarzan. Sir, I am very sorry.’
And the school- which had been absolutely silent while their hero spoke -now broke out into cheers, even as Jai handed the mike back to the rather stunned Mrs. Rachna, and made his way back to his friends – even as Mr. Seth swayed on his seat. He wished Mrs. Rachna would hurry up with it all.
Gathering her wits Mrs. Rachna continued “Thank you Jai – and now school, I’d like to introduce you to …………
Her speech was interrupted by a loud thundering of hooves as several armed men on horses raced into the school premises clearing the moat cleanly, & galloped up to the stage area.
And leading the gang was a tall well built bearded man, dressed in black.
Pulling up to a rest, the horses reared up, as the leader held up his gun and fired several shots into the air.
And the school finally - recognizing authority - fell silent.
And Mr. Seth gave in to his constitution and finally – fainted.
‘ ….. your new principal, Mr. Gabbar Singh ...’
********
‘But Kalia this is perfect nonsense! Absolute grade-A rot!’
And Gabbar Singh slashed his dagger across the file in front of him.
The papers presented had dared to suggest the disapproval of the school regulatory board over Gabbar Singh’s proposal to demolish the principal’s office.
“I mean – the outhouse is where I should sit – I have to guard the school, Kalia! I am responsible!”
‘But Sir …” - Kalia was trying to gather the remains of the file on the table while at the same time avoiding the dagger that his boss was flailing around wildly in his anger.
‘No buts, Kalia - tell the Board to go boil their heads – go take a nature ride. Do their fat paunches some good too!’
“OK Sir. And Sir, about the Biology teacher - ” - Kalia did not dare to put the file on the table for the fear of another dragger execution.
‘What about him? He deserves that pay cut – in fact, I‘d pay him nothing at all! The students know nothing about horses - they can’t tell a horse from an elephant, I think! I mean…’
‘Yes sir ….’ Kalia did not have time to listen to a biology lesson – he needed time to figure out how to get the Board’s acceptance for Gabbar’s sensibilities.
But Gabbar Singh was not to be put off – he had just begun to warm up to a topic that was close to his heart.
“I mean why do they dissect earthworms and frogs? They should work on horses instead! Important animals - plus the fact that all their organs are so much bigger and easier to identify! I have never seen such ignorance about horses in my life!”
Gabbar paused to take a swipe at the curtain with his dagger, and then continued
‘And these Physical Education classes? Ridiculous! No horse riding! We have to purchase more horses for the students! And more land to graze them! And a landscape artist to make a simulation of rocky hills and things – horse riding is important!’
‘I am sure, Sir – and now Sir, about the renewal of contract of the school buses for the Gulmohar Tourists and Travels.”
Gabbar pounced on this opportunity. “What renewal? Cancel it outright! Tell him to go tourist and travel somewhere else! The students will come in horse carts! Tongas! Jai Hind! Save fuel! Green peace!”
Kalia rolled his eyes and turned to go. In his mind, he could picture what would happen in the near future. The already worked up Gabbar would get on to the table, and act like he was riding a horse. Then his hand would go to his holster – there’d be shooting, slashing, stabbing – and Kalia might be saved the trouble of calling the bulldozer to destroy the office – Gabbar Singh would do it himself!
‘Wait! I am thirsty – I want water!’
Saying that, Gabbar strode out of the room, dagger in his hand, picking up the rifle from near the door as he walked through.
Then he stopped, and turned to Kalia. ‘Lead me to the water hole!’
Kalia tried to restrain Gabbar Singh, and fill a glass with water at the same time – a Herculean task every way you saw it.
‘Sir, this is a school – there is no water hole here – here. Sir, take this glass of water…’
Gabbar stopped dead his tracks, turned slowly to look at Kalia, an incredulous expression on his face, a hurt look in his eyes.
‘No water hole? No water for me? Is the Thakur in the school regulatory board? What glass of water?’
Saying that he took the glass from Kalia and threw its contents smack on his face and then replacing the glass in the hand that had filled it, he strode out into the great exteriors.
Leaving Kalia standing in front of the school reception very angry, very embarrassed and very wet. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his face muttering under his breath all the time. He was loyal to his chief- and he knew the one and only solution to the whole problem.
Turning on his heel, he strode to the reception, and picking up the phone, dialed a number he now knew by heart.
“ Hello- Regulatory Board?”
***
“Oh man! This is the limit! Our principle is definitely totally bonkers!”
“Yes- not a single circuit in that short wired, cross connected brain of his is normal!”
Jai shook his head, and continued shoveling the horse dung out of he make shift enclosure that had at some time in history been the Physics Lab. Veeru meanwhile carried on his musings on the intricacies of the mental electrical arrangement of their new Principal. He was finding it several hundred times more interesting than the essay on equine neurology that he was supposed to be writing.
“ Oh heavens! Stand still can’t you!” a girl standing nearby was losing her last bit of patience with the horse she was supposed to be grooming. She stamped her foot hard. “I’ve never spent so much time and energy on my own hair, and here I am, dressing up a horse!”
“Oh well Basanti, at least you’re not having to polish guns and knives- oh man! The stink to almighty, I’d say! And I feel like I’ve been swimming in this oil for weeks!” Another girl standing nearby rubbed her hands on her tunic-it was oily enough already; another smudge would make no difference. As it is, her mother had grounded her for two months for making such a mess of her clothes- last week she’d been lifting rocks for the landscape artist- another month hardly mattered now. The 4 of them were serving punishment for not finishing their homework for a whole week. “Really these punishments are ridiculous. Why can’t we just write out 100 lines or something?” Jai threw down his shovel in disgust.
“Or maybe we could just settle down and be you know- I mean, the past month I’ve been much better behaved girl than ever- and I seem to like it!” Basanti leaned against her horse.
Veeru scratched his chin. “Basically, these few weeks we’ve been doing enough mental and physical exercise- and we do new stuff everyday. So our neural faculties don’t find the need to jump off buildings or break furniture to feel utilized properly.”
Jai looked at him skeptically, then nodded slowly. “You’re probably right. But this guy’s definitely off his rocker! 100% Agra material. If we could get someone more er… um … civilized as principle with some good innovative ideas- we could compromise on our activities, I guess.”
The 4 of them fell into deep thought, while at the top of the moat, lying stomach down on the ground, in as un-principal like fashion as possible, Gabbar Singh smiled. Then he got up dusted himself and started to walk towards the school building.
He knew he was essentially an inhabitant of the great outdoors. He couldn’t sit in offices and look after kids- he wanted to sit in caves, and look after nature…
He had been appointed to this school for a special purpose- and that, if Jai and Veeru’s conversations were anything to go by, had been served. He hadn’t been brought to make any wholesale policy changes- and his way of work didn’t really resonate with what the board felt. And the fact that the 21 gun salute to honor the board members on their visit yesterday had resulted in the dropping of several fruits on their heads as the bullets had whistled through the trees had done nothing to endear them to Gabbar Singh.
He knew Kalia had called the board- Kalia had probably realized that the school was no place for his chief. In all the urban planning, Gabbar Singh would just feel sad and discontent, missing his proximity to nature. And now it was time for him to leave.
He took one final look at the school as he gathered his dagger and his rifle-some of the changes he had made were good.
Of course, the board would have to appoint a suitable candidate to be the next principle… Someone who knew his horses, who knew his guns and knives, and who knew his neural circuitry. Especially how to exercise it well in all directions.
He looked at his well polished rifle-the girls had done a good job. Now, all he needed was a visit to the Board, he thought as he got onto his horse.
And if needed, some more visits, with more of his men and more guns and more horses- after all, he was Gabbar Singh-to see that his successor satisfied all conditions.
Especially the one about horses…
“Oye there Sir! I am SUPERMAN!”
‘No you are not! Jai – I tell you, come down this instant!’
A grey haired pinstriped suited tiny gentleman – Mr. Seth- stood at the bottom of the large red secondary block building of the school of ‘Dur Gaon’, of which he was the principal.
And he was, by all appearance, in a rather excited and hyperactive state
And he had every right to be – for at the top of the building, a rope in his hand, all set to swing across the 50 meter gap between the primary and secondary blocks stood 14yr old Jai, waving to the crowd of students gathered at the building.
‘Someone tell him… Mr. Prakash, go and fetch him down this instant!’ squeaked the principal quite beside himself now, unable to handle the situation.
Mr. Prakash shook his head and pointed to the primary block windows, at each of which stood a wickedly grinning student
‘They have threatened to throw all the desks out of windows if any faculty moves even an inch.’
Mr. Seth’s already blanched face lost even more color. “What? Blackmailing the teachers? Have they lost their minds? Where is the head boy?”
The Vice Principal Mrs Rachna shook her head. “I am afraid Veeru is rather indisposed at the moment, sir. He is in the Chemistry Lab, deeply engrossed in making a potion to make things fly. And to ensure he is not disturbed, he has made a rather explosive arrangement – if we open the lab door, a circuit will be completed that will not only blow up the physics lab , but also sink a moat all around the periphery of the school complex that ….’
The further details of the moat no one knew – for Mr. Seth had had enough. His constitution for such acts of blatant terrorism and shameless attack on authority was rather weak – and it had been unable to bear any more.
So, having been swaying on the spot for some time now, Mr. Seth collapsed and all the teachers rushed to attend to him.
Above them Jai smiled with glee. The teachers had moved.
Behind them, there was more glee. And then huge crashes of breaking furniture – even as Jai swung successfully across the basketball court, over the heads of the teachers.
And then to top it all – a huge blast, as the world lost a physics lab. And gained a classical and rather immaculately designed moat.
***
‘Students – please for once in your lives maintain some resemblance of silence Today is a rather special assembly…’
Poor Mrs. Rachna was having a rather tough time at the dais, as she addressed a mob whose only claim to being students were their school uniforms. In front of her, students broke out into impromptu jigs, the daredevils described marvelous stunts on their skateboards, while the artists sprayed the most unimaginable of slogans on the school walls.
“… first we have Jai Kumar here to apologize for his behavior last week … Jai please.”
“Thank you ma’am.”
Jai took the mike off its stand and, without the remotest bit of repentance about his ‘attitude’, groovy-walked his way to the front of the stage.
‘I’d like to apologize to Mr Principal Sir for not listening to him last week. I just kept saying I am Superman – he told me repeatedly that I was not. He was right. It’s amazing how much grownups know about all this. Actually, I was Tarzan. Sir, I am very sorry.’
And the school- which had been absolutely silent while their hero spoke -now broke out into cheers, even as Jai handed the mike back to the rather stunned Mrs. Rachna, and made his way back to his friends – even as Mr. Seth swayed on his seat. He wished Mrs. Rachna would hurry up with it all.
Gathering her wits Mrs. Rachna continued “Thank you Jai – and now school, I’d like to introduce you to …………
Her speech was interrupted by a loud thundering of hooves as several armed men on horses raced into the school premises clearing the moat cleanly, & galloped up to the stage area.
And leading the gang was a tall well built bearded man, dressed in black.
Pulling up to a rest, the horses reared up, as the leader held up his gun and fired several shots into the air.
And the school finally - recognizing authority - fell silent.
And Mr. Seth gave in to his constitution and finally – fainted.
‘ ….. your new principal, Mr. Gabbar Singh ...’
********
‘But Kalia this is perfect nonsense! Absolute grade-A rot!’
And Gabbar Singh slashed his dagger across the file in front of him.
The papers presented had dared to suggest the disapproval of the school regulatory board over Gabbar Singh’s proposal to demolish the principal’s office.
“I mean – the outhouse is where I should sit – I have to guard the school, Kalia! I am responsible!”
‘But Sir …” - Kalia was trying to gather the remains of the file on the table while at the same time avoiding the dagger that his boss was flailing around wildly in his anger.
‘No buts, Kalia - tell the Board to go boil their heads – go take a nature ride. Do their fat paunches some good too!’
“OK Sir. And Sir, about the Biology teacher - ” - Kalia did not dare to put the file on the table for the fear of another dragger execution.
‘What about him? He deserves that pay cut – in fact, I‘d pay him nothing at all! The students know nothing about horses - they can’t tell a horse from an elephant, I think! I mean…’
‘Yes sir ….’ Kalia did not have time to listen to a biology lesson – he needed time to figure out how to get the Board’s acceptance for Gabbar’s sensibilities.
But Gabbar Singh was not to be put off – he had just begun to warm up to a topic that was close to his heart.
“I mean why do they dissect earthworms and frogs? They should work on horses instead! Important animals - plus the fact that all their organs are so much bigger and easier to identify! I have never seen such ignorance about horses in my life!”
Gabbar paused to take a swipe at the curtain with his dagger, and then continued
‘And these Physical Education classes? Ridiculous! No horse riding! We have to purchase more horses for the students! And more land to graze them! And a landscape artist to make a simulation of rocky hills and things – horse riding is important!’
‘I am sure, Sir – and now Sir, about the renewal of contract of the school buses for the Gulmohar Tourists and Travels.”
Gabbar pounced on this opportunity. “What renewal? Cancel it outright! Tell him to go tourist and travel somewhere else! The students will come in horse carts! Tongas! Jai Hind! Save fuel! Green peace!”
Kalia rolled his eyes and turned to go. In his mind, he could picture what would happen in the near future. The already worked up Gabbar would get on to the table, and act like he was riding a horse. Then his hand would go to his holster – there’d be shooting, slashing, stabbing – and Kalia might be saved the trouble of calling the bulldozer to destroy the office – Gabbar Singh would do it himself!
‘Wait! I am thirsty – I want water!’
Saying that, Gabbar strode out of the room, dagger in his hand, picking up the rifle from near the door as he walked through.
Then he stopped, and turned to Kalia. ‘Lead me to the water hole!’
Kalia tried to restrain Gabbar Singh, and fill a glass with water at the same time – a Herculean task every way you saw it.
‘Sir, this is a school – there is no water hole here – here. Sir, take this glass of water…’
Gabbar stopped dead his tracks, turned slowly to look at Kalia, an incredulous expression on his face, a hurt look in his eyes.
‘No water hole? No water for me? Is the Thakur in the school regulatory board? What glass of water?’
Saying that he took the glass from Kalia and threw its contents smack on his face and then replacing the glass in the hand that had filled it, he strode out into the great exteriors.
Leaving Kalia standing in front of the school reception very angry, very embarrassed and very wet. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his face muttering under his breath all the time. He was loyal to his chief- and he knew the one and only solution to the whole problem.
Turning on his heel, he strode to the reception, and picking up the phone, dialed a number he now knew by heart.
“ Hello- Regulatory Board?”
***
“Oh man! This is the limit! Our principle is definitely totally bonkers!”
“Yes- not a single circuit in that short wired, cross connected brain of his is normal!”
Jai shook his head, and continued shoveling the horse dung out of he make shift enclosure that had at some time in history been the Physics Lab. Veeru meanwhile carried on his musings on the intricacies of the mental electrical arrangement of their new Principal. He was finding it several hundred times more interesting than the essay on equine neurology that he was supposed to be writing.
“ Oh heavens! Stand still can’t you!” a girl standing nearby was losing her last bit of patience with the horse she was supposed to be grooming. She stamped her foot hard. “I’ve never spent so much time and energy on my own hair, and here I am, dressing up a horse!”
“Oh well Basanti, at least you’re not having to polish guns and knives- oh man! The stink to almighty, I’d say! And I feel like I’ve been swimming in this oil for weeks!” Another girl standing nearby rubbed her hands on her tunic-it was oily enough already; another smudge would make no difference. As it is, her mother had grounded her for two months for making such a mess of her clothes- last week she’d been lifting rocks for the landscape artist- another month hardly mattered now. The 4 of them were serving punishment for not finishing their homework for a whole week. “Really these punishments are ridiculous. Why can’t we just write out 100 lines or something?” Jai threw down his shovel in disgust.
“Or maybe we could just settle down and be you know- I mean, the past month I’ve been much better behaved girl than ever- and I seem to like it!” Basanti leaned against her horse.
Veeru scratched his chin. “Basically, these few weeks we’ve been doing enough mental and physical exercise- and we do new stuff everyday. So our neural faculties don’t find the need to jump off buildings or break furniture to feel utilized properly.”
Jai looked at him skeptically, then nodded slowly. “You’re probably right. But this guy’s definitely off his rocker! 100% Agra material. If we could get someone more er… um … civilized as principle with some good innovative ideas- we could compromise on our activities, I guess.”
The 4 of them fell into deep thought, while at the top of the moat, lying stomach down on the ground, in as un-principal like fashion as possible, Gabbar Singh smiled. Then he got up dusted himself and started to walk towards the school building.
He knew he was essentially an inhabitant of the great outdoors. He couldn’t sit in offices and look after kids- he wanted to sit in caves, and look after nature…
He had been appointed to this school for a special purpose- and that, if Jai and Veeru’s conversations were anything to go by, had been served. He hadn’t been brought to make any wholesale policy changes- and his way of work didn’t really resonate with what the board felt. And the fact that the 21 gun salute to honor the board members on their visit yesterday had resulted in the dropping of several fruits on their heads as the bullets had whistled through the trees had done nothing to endear them to Gabbar Singh.
He knew Kalia had called the board- Kalia had probably realized that the school was no place for his chief. In all the urban planning, Gabbar Singh would just feel sad and discontent, missing his proximity to nature. And now it was time for him to leave.
He took one final look at the school as he gathered his dagger and his rifle-some of the changes he had made were good.
Of course, the board would have to appoint a suitable candidate to be the next principle… Someone who knew his horses, who knew his guns and knives, and who knew his neural circuitry. Especially how to exercise it well in all directions.
He looked at his well polished rifle-the girls had done a good job. Now, all he needed was a visit to the Board, he thought as he got onto his horse.
And if needed, some more visits, with more of his men and more guns and more horses- after all, he was Gabbar Singh-to see that his successor satisfied all conditions.
Especially the one about horses…
1 comment:
Hey! Thats a nice one...
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